( Originally Written on June 10th 2020)
What's going on? You ight? You good? Covid 19 A.K.A. Corona Virus still fucking up your life too? 2020 still whooping yo ass too? Yeah me too. Ohhh yeah my relationship is over. Where I am today and in this moment tells me it is over for good on all levels. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't fun, and it wasn't expected at all. Real talk, I can't even talk about it in this post like I originally planned because I don't really know what I want to say about it. Instead I will talk about what I am feeling right now.
Needless to say this shit sucks! You court, you plan, you love, you cater, you do the " right " things and end up back in the land of the singles. I honestly thought I was done with this, but clearly I was wrong. The part of this that is the hardest to deal with is the self reflection. Yes I had conversations with her and asked questions for the sake of closure, but when someone lies to you, can you really trust anything they say? You're kinda left to your own devices and thoughts. " Was it all a lie? Was I good enough? Why? Was the sex bad? Did you love me? What did I do wrong? Why are you an asshole? How could you do this to me? " etc etc and all that. So now I have to decided is Rob will still be Rob or will Rob say f it . Yes it is easy to say " Just be you. Stay true to yourself. It was them not you." however, when things happen to you more than once, you tend to take a longer look into the mirror. After all, " You" are really the only thing you have control over. It is the only variable that you can change and adjust moving forward so it becomes quite tempting when you end up in situations like this.
Real talk.... again.... I think I will be ight. A lot of things if my life are right where I need them be. I am in position to comfortably make some moves I have literally been dreaming about. I have to de-clutter my mind. Things are different now. Am I sad and hurt and all those things? Yes, however I tend to be optimistic. I know time will heal my wounds, but I also don't want to lose sight of what's in front of me. I don't want to drown in sorrow and sadness. I want to use it to fuel my fire. I got shit to do man. Like on so real shit, I have things I want to really accomplish out here in this world.
When I am ready and a bit more clear I will tell you about what happened. I feel like if I do it right now it just won't come out right. Sometimes it is best to let things sit for a minute before you address them. So yeah i'm going to leave that there.
Peace, Love, and Happiness...