It is 3:52 AM I got two warm... 1 warm krispy kreme doughnut in front of me while I binge " Insecure " while feeling insecure. That's some wild shit at 33. It is what it is though. To tell you the truth an old aching thought has reared it's ugly head. " I wanna be married with a house and kids and a dog I ain't even want. Oh yeah and that nice house." That was the original thought, but it has simply evolved. " This ain't where I though I would be in my life at this age." . I know I am not alone in this. My friends and I have discussions about it and that definitely helps to talk things out. That is why it is important to have a tight inner circle...... Ight off that though. In my sea of thoughts, there is just too much for me to sort through. Instead of fighting against the waves crashing against me, I just let them consume me. Why you say? Honestly I have kinda just learned to float on top of the water. Yeah I get taken under sometimes and sometimes I swallow too much water. Hell sometimes I even throw up because the tossing and turning can get to be too much. However, every storm comes to an end. Some storms may be longer than others but they all do eventually come to an end. The short storms become laughable after you have been through a few of them. The long storms are a different story.
Ight so straight up, you have to be super careful with those storms. They tend to let a lot of doubt and self-pity seep in. Once that overtakes you, it will be hard for you recognize when the storm is truly over. You will be in a state of mind that is a determent to your development. I believe there are signs that let you know the storm is easing up, but if you aren't focused, you can end up turning yourself around and running back into the storm instead of cruising into the sunset. Again, having someone to talk to is important, but there is something much more important than that. ACTION.
( WARNING STRONG PERSONAL BELIEF!) If you are not taking actions towards your own progression, you will fail and you will stay stuck in the same place. We all need help. We all have the right to seek help and counsel and all those good things, but you will end up by yourself and you will be faced with decisions that have an impact. The questions is what are you doing? It is my experience that if you aren't willing to help yourself or at least show that you care about yourself on some level, others will be far less willing to bend over backwards for you. You are very visible when you reach out for help. You are inviting attention so naturally people are going to keep an extra eye on you in hopes that you are getting better so keep that in mind. I said all that to say make sure you are making a true effort to progress and better yourself.
Peace, Love, and Joy to you all.